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Corinthian Jedi CC| Author | Message |
CorinthianJedi  |  Jun 11 2007, 13:36 PM |
 Group: Member Posts: Joined: Fri May 18 2007 Status: Offline | www.corinthianjedi.co.uk see the team, monitor their progress, and contribute |
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| CorinthianJedi | Jun 11 2007, 13:37 PM |
Group: Member Posts: Joined: Fri May 18 2007 Status: Offline | New Man-of-four emerges as Jedi plunder Stallingrad During the weekly Mucky’s debriefing, comment was made by Captain Taz about how many truly eventful nights the Jedi have been involved in, and a conversation was struck up immediately about the highs and lows of the last two seasons. There was the ****-foot incident, involving M&M at H-L-Clay; the night Growler Brown was struck in the goolies, and his subsequent disappearance; and the infamous Agincourt victory at Tetanus. The favourite moments – Lobot’s two malfunctions: the first, when his anger management chip blew and he attacked the floor with his bat; the second, when he famously assaulted a Stalingrad batsman with the ball, and knocked him unconscious. There was also the night of Cartman’s four for one haul, which saw him hailed in the Telegraph as ‘man-of-four.’ We Jedi have waited for another moment to savour for long enough. Enter stage left, Growler Brown. Growler has recently come out of exile, yet has returned a changed man, having recently taken up the latest fad of ‘text dating.’ After two trips to the doctors over repetitive strain injuries to both thumbs, he made his 2007 league debut at Stalingrad, and made an immediate impression in the field, dropping the opponent’s star batsmen off the very first delivery. He followed this up with an incredible three more dropped catches, and two excellent volleyed boundary balls, making him the undisputed new Man-of-four. All hail, fingers the second! Bizarrely, Growler blamed his spectacles, claiming that he can now see too clearly, and as a result is relying less on the force. At least Growler could depend on everyone else making him feel better; Cartman obviously started the ball rolling by dropping the first dolly of the season on Monday. Darth got caught out by a trick of the light, dropping a particularly hard catch at mid on; Roy then plucked a ball out of the air, only to step back over the line and call a six. He said later that it would have been cheating had he claimed the wicket, “it would have been cheating had I claimed the wicket” However, it was pointed out that that wasn’t cheating; cheating is giving people out LBW when the ball hits them half way up their thigh. Stalingrad hit 131 off 16 overs, losing only a handful of wickets toward the end of the innings when Taz turned to his trusted MFS (medium fast slows), Cartman and the Laceby Express. It was clear that Cartman had to pull something out of the bag, having already made a cock up over the new wicket keeper gear (he has acquired children’s sized gloves and pads in an inappropriate attempt at cost cutting. ) So, the batting had to be frenzied, and so it was, Taz, Wookie and Kelly Kelly all plundering double figures in an attempt at the 8 an over target. Unfortunately, the wheels fell off with the emergence of Stalingrad’s 12th man, aka Caribbean Roy, who gave Wookie out TBW (thigh before wicket). As Nick pointed out to Caribbean, Roy isn’t in the team for his umpiring abilities, “Roy, you aren’t in the team for your umpiring abilities.’ Taz went for 14, Kelly for 10, and suddenly the match hung in the balance Fortunately for the Jedi, Growler roared at the crease, making a glorious 21 to ease his catching sorrows. Cartman quite correctly commented to him that he wasn’t in the team for his catching, “You are not in the team for your catching Growler.’ The batting was capped by a truly awesome display of batting by Darth Moore, who hit 28 not out, including two giant sixes, in an innings which suggested that he really, truly is the most dangerous of batsmen, and probably better than every one else in the team after all. Indeed, he now tops the batting averages, and has every intention of staying there. As Nick quite correctly pointed out though, he isn’t really in the team for his batting, “Express, you aren’t really in the team for your batting.” And so the Jedi ended on 101 for 5 off only 16 overs. If that isn’t a morale victory, I don’t know what is. The night was capped off by a great Mucky’s attendance, meaning that Fingers is already out of the picture for the best attendance at a public house trophy; going to Vegas really is not a valid excuse in anyone’s book, not least the Jedi… |
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| CorinthianJedi | Jun 11 2007, 13:37 PM |
Group: Member Posts: Joined: Fri May 18 2007 Status: Offline | The Planers dream went wrong! “I know how we’re going to beat those mofos” Wookie Moore claimed, He was referring to this weeks opponents Tioxide. After a strategy meeting with Admiral Tazbar it was decided that ‘you don’t upset a Wookie’, so reluctantly Taz changed the team tactics. Finger Watson voice his opinion about actually having tactics “why are we using tactics, we reached 4th place in the league last year without tactics! Why are we starting to use them now?” Admiral Taz replied, “Fingers, I don’t like your negative attitude you’re cut!” At least 1 Watson made the team as the Jedi welcomed back to the fold M&M Watson, M&M has been missing all season after going on a trip to Hull in his Albacore to pick up a new flux capacitor for iLobot. This trip ended dramatically with M&M being shipwrecked on the Humber Fort. Everyone was pleased to see M&M still sporting a beard, but concerns where raised as M&M kept talking to a cricket ball with a face on it whom he had named Kookie. After a quick pitch inspection it was decided the Jedi needed an opener who could stay out at the crease for a good amount of time “We need an opener who can stay out for a good amount of time, M&M get padded up!” said Taz. The Jedi opened with M&M and Wookie Moore- big things were expected. Alas the best laid plans… M&M still fatigued from his shipwreck experience was bowled for a duck, He was replaced by Quartermaster Collins who after a couple of balls connected sweetly, called for 2 runs & set off at an awesome pace, The Wookie set off from the opposite end of the wicket only to be out run by Nick Collins & ended run out! The Wookie was not happy, was he disappointed? Injured? Or just humiliated by being out paced by ‘light on his toes’ Collins? It must have been the latter as The Wookie challenged Nick to a race at the end of the match to prove he was faster!! HK Kelly had ‘a bad day at the office’ by being bowled for 6 by Bland. Captain Taz joined Collins snr. At the crease to try and push the run rate up but Quartermaster Collins was having none of that. Taz reached the highest Jedi score of the night before being bowled for 17 by Ruse. Darth went out full of confidence after looking good with the bat this season; the average he was trying to protect took a hit after being bowled for 7. The collapse had started Giles Greedo was caught for 1, Growler Brown was out for a duck (captured on film & WILL be on the website) Uncle Daz looked fatigued while walking to the crease, & it seemed his mind was on something else – like a love stuck puppy! Anyhow this was short lived as he was run out for 1. iLobot hit 1 not out & Caribbean Roy was last man in with advice of hanging in their for the rest of the overs he was caught for a duck! This left Tioxide chasing a score of 54, after bowling the Jedi out in 15˝ overs. Tioxide opened with Tilby & Flint, Captain Taz decided that the Jedi was going to bowl 1 over each as nothing but moral victory was on the cards. Taz opened the bowling going for 8 in the 1st over. Quartermaster was 2nd up & took the wicket of Flint- caught by Greedo. ILobot went for 9 before Caribbean Roy got the stumping of Griffiths in the 4th over. Darth went for 5, Clive for 11, Greedo for 3, Growler for 4 & M&M finished of the mauling by Tioxide, Tilby reached a total of 32 not out to aid the score of 55 from 9 overs. The only Jedi bonus was everyone got to Mucky’s early to drown their sorrows; even takeaway pizza didn’t help the poor result. |
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| CorinthianJedi | Jun 11 2007, 13:38 PM |
Group: Member Posts: Joined: Fri May 18 2007 Status: Offline | FINGERS MISSES THE 18:35 - TWICE! Watson's Groundhog day settles match at Fortress Clee Road There was an expectant whiff of anticipation in the air during the Jedi's latest adventure in the Pettit's league, when they entertained Badger International, for the Jedi sported their new shirts to a man for the first time this season. Well, nine of them did - though I'm sure the missing Jedi were all sat at home in their shirts, berating Roy for his now weekly Jedi cull. It seemed that Roy had managed to cut no less than six Jedi with his scaremongering; and therefore the Corinthian's were already on the back foot, when they decided to put Badger into bat, thus avoiding the humiliation of a batting collapse and possible G.B.S. (Guinness by seven.) It was also evident that the captain for the night, former man-of-four Quartermaster Collins, had decided that it was far more logical to field with nine men, rather than bat first and wait for people to turn up. Now, there are some very famous trains that one could talk about; The flying Scotsman, Hogwart's Express, even The Orient. To this list the 18:35 must surely be added: the very time at which Fingers made what was an almost indelible mark on proceedings. Badger's opening bat dollied a catch to the Jedi's star fielder at mid off. Unfortunately, Fingers was a little out of sorts, after being moved from his favoured position of mid point (a position which he proudly invented), and the catch went down. Now, as most cricket aficionados know, catches lose matches, and this may be applied to this moment in the match; not that Fingers putting down a second catch was particularly implausible or unexpected - his next attempt went down in true Corinthian style. What was more significant was that the second drop occurred in the very same minute - 18:35 - and gave a third life to the Badger opener. Fortunately for Fingers, he didn't go on to make a century; unfortunately for Fingers, he made 91 not out. The cast was set, the Jedi weakened, and the gaps in the field began to show; the Jedi were visibly tired from having to collect the ball from the far ends of the field. Some might say that a slip cordon might not have been the most appropriate field setting at this point, but the Jedi pushed on, and Badger made an impressive 157 off their 20 over allocation. The bowling highlight was the return of the Republic of Spin, iLobot and Caribbean both dropping unplayable balls out of the sun on a number of occasions. So, everything had gone to plan - Badger had been firmly put in their place, and the Jedi had a mediocre total to chase. Piles made a welcome addition to the batting ranks, making a brisk 20, and the other Jedi batted valiantly though there were a few squabbles over some of the runs (Growler had been entered in the score book as zero, but was sure that he had got one run.) The Jedi take their averages very seriously indeed. Caribbean even asked for a stat update from Fingers after the match - for some reason he was suddenly interested in his batting average, after being the pick of the batting, "Can I have a copy of the stats Kier; for some reason, I'm suddenly interested in the batting stats." Roy had made forty after being dropped 5 times throughout his innings; indeed, he looked all set for a coveted half century, until he edged to slip in a 'Jedi star' chase panic. The innings was closed on 126 for 4, a new record for the Jedi, but all too little on this particular occasion. However, there were many plusses to the game: Mucky's attendance was again very high, and all but one bit of garlic bread got eaten in the Pizza frenzy; Darth Moore got hold of the spicy beef pizza before anyone else, which was nice; and the morale victory was seemingly extinguished by the time the Jedi had consumed Guinness number seven. What remains of the season is a manic attempt at mid-table mediocrity, though Roy remains adamant that a second place finish is achievable, even after someone pointed out that there are more than two teams in our league. |
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| CorinthianJedi | Jun 14 2007, 18:58 PM |
Group: Member Posts: Joined: Fri May 18 2007 Status: Offline | BACON FRIES THE JEDI “What a beautiful day for cricket” exclaims Fingers Watson, & yes it was! The venue for such an event was Fortress Clee Road; the Jedi latest opponents were Stallingrad. The talk of the night was the sacking of Coach Holliday everyone agreed it was for the best but with only moral victories so far this season a win was needed. With captain Taz back at the helm at least the Jedi knew no rash stupid decisions would be made (unlike the week before where the stand in captain won the toss & chose to field 1st with only 9 men present!). Stallingrad won the coin toss & chose to Field. The Jedi opened with Mongo Jase & HK Kelly, it was Mongo’s 1st match of the season and he was lacking match fitness. Mongo reach a total 2 before being bowled by Bacon, HK Kelly had the exact same fate it was a bad start! HK Kelly one of the Jedi’s best batsman has been having a poor season by his usual standards. The captain - Admiral Taz came up to the crease to steady the ship but was bowled for a duck it was the sweetest thing (this has been recorded on film & will be appearing on the website soon!) iVor was next to take to the wicket & try to prevent the batting collapse. Fingers Watson hit 3 before handing Stallingrad a dolly & was gone -Bacon had taken his 4th wicket in 3 overs. Uncle Daz joined iVor at the crease to help the Jedi actually score some runs, the partnership was working well with good communication between the two with shouts of “one” and “stay” being heard on the sidelines. IVor was bowled for 15 the high score of the night! Uncle Daz reached 14 before being caught. ILobot joined Greedo (the run out king) & hit a nice ground stroke -Greedo shouted “2” iLobot replied with “NO” “well I’m going with or without you” iLobot rushed a good 2 runs Greedo was doing his best to push the run rate up to give the Jedi some pride. Greedo was caught for 1, Caribbean Roy hit 3 before being given LBW, This left Darth & Cartman to seeing the innings out with 4 each. The Jedi achieved 64 from 20 overs everyone was left feeling numb by such a poor score. The Jedi took to the field knowing it was going to be an uphill struggle everyone was waiting for HK Kelly who was raking around the kit bag “come on Kelly” shouted Taz “ I still haven’t found what I’m looking for” replied HK Kelly. Kelly joined the rest of the team with his lost wicket keeping gloves. It was business as usual for the Jedi in the field – Darth Moore didn’t move, Fingers Watson dropped a catch, iVor bowled wides & Caribbean Roy took a wicket! But the Jedi display of the day came from iLobot taking 2 wickets in 1 over. Cartman added to the wicket total before Stallingrad reach their target in 11 overs. Everyone headed back to Mucky’s for a post mach analysis it was agreed the Jedi had lost the desire to win. Maybe the appointment of a new coach will improve morale in the Jedi camp; anyhow 7 beers later & pizzas it was all agreed that a moral victory was even better that the real thing. |
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